Wednesday, July 7, 2010

fully convinced.

i'm so overwhelmed lately by His love. i think, maybe, that's what growing in Christ can be defined as... becoming increasing overwhelmed/shocked/awed year after year at the goodness of His grace, at the goodness of what He has done. that's growth. being overwhelmed in increasing measures each year.

i turn twenty in a few weeks. i know that i feel more loved by Him as an almost-twenty year old than i did as an almost-nineteen year old. this is not because i have done more to be loved by Him. this is not because i have become smarter or wiser. this is simply because He keeps revealing His love to me. through His word, through vacations and travels and sunrises and rainy days and dreams of the future, i'm learning to see Him everywhere. His hand is in it all. His hand is in this life. my life. your life.

i absolutely love the book of Romans. it gets me so pumped up. i've been listening to a lot of sermons by judah smith. i'm such a huge fan of his ministry. i love his preaching about the law & his preaching about the grace we've found as Christians through Jesus' death. i think it's hit me in a new way over the past year. this nineteenth year of my life. we are justified SOLELY by the death of Jesus. through His death, we have abundant joy, incomprehensible peace, life to the full, more blessings than we can imagine, family, great friends, thriving businesses, great marriages. through His death, we live. because of His death, we live.

i have permission to dream. i have permission to be anything BUT ordinary. i have permission to be successful in everything i put my hand to, because it is not I who works, but Christ who works in me for His purposes. i'm a firm believer that the most successful businesses, the most creative artists, the most effective teachers, the most talented musicians: should be Christians. every now and then it hits me. every ounce of creativity found on this Earth is created by HIS hands. we, being children of Him, have access to this creativity. doesn't that make you SO excited? makes me excited. makes me want to create.

No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness." But the words "it was counted to him" were not written for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification. :: Romans 4:20-25

Friday, April 2, 2010

my retreat.

Last week I blogged a quick little "see you soon" post. I wrote it on Thursday. The next week I had a couple of friends (who had read my blog) ask me how I was doing. You know--not a "How are you?" but a "How ARE you? No. Seriously. How ARE you?" They knew something was up with me. And it was. I've been trying to figure out how to blog about this--I do live a lot of my life online. I'm transparent. I feel like God has given me a platform to speak... and for some reason people like to listen, they like to hear what's up in my life. I'm forever amazed and grateful for that. I don't feel like my business blog is the place to write all this, however. So I ended up here.

God stopped me last Wednesday night. I was feeling sick all day which wasn't a helpful factor when added to a couple stressful conflicts and a growing exhaustion level. I stopped. Translation: cried. Haha! I was supposed to leave the next morning for the GC Conference in Seattle for two days as a youth leader with our youth group. As I cried with my friend Shauneille late Wednesday night, I knew I wasn't supposed to go. There's no way to express how I was feeling besides a craving for the Lord.

I want more of Him, I need more of Him. I look at my life: my business, my friends, my family, my savings account, my travel, my "following"--it means NOTHING compared to the joy of knowing my Lord Jesus Christ. For some reason, God chose last week to say, "Hey. Jamie. I want you to know more about me. I want you to spend more time with me. Twenty minutes each morning and faithful church attendance isn't enough. I made you. I want to know you." He was calling. I didn't go away that weekend. I woke up Thursday morning, wrote that blog post about "seeing you soon" and I retreated.

There were so many things that I came to God with... wrestled with Him about. What does it look like to live my entire life for Him? When it comes down to it, all I want, all I want, ALL I want, is for people to fall in love with Jesus. I don't want fame, money, success, popularity--I want to see the world changed by His love. But: I have a business. I have friends. I have family. I have church responsibilities. I need to fit in time to exercise. It can feel so mundane, so routine. I want to BE His hands and His feet to those around me. I struggled with the purpose of my day-to-day life--I don't want time to keep passing me by. Going through life, oblivious of the hundreds of people around me each day that are craving His love without even knowing it.

I spent three days reading, praying, resting with Him. One day I took a drive across a new bridge in my area... and kept driving until I saw a sign for a lake and thought, Okay. I'll drive there. I love the outdoors. God's so creative. Then I went to a coffeeshop and read. I didn't see any friends all weekend, I didn't text anybody and hey, guess what, I only checked email/twitter 2-3x a day. (I'm not kidding you: that was a huge deal. HAHA! So pathetic.)

I've been desiring to hear from God and He spoke to me through his Word. So many great things were learned and discovered this past weekend. Questions about life direction and purpose and ministry and calling. Here are a few things that I wrote down.

1. Everything in our lives is for HIS name's sake. Everything. Even our sins being forgiven--that's not for us, but for Him. "Because your sins are forgiven you for His name's sake." (1 John 2:12)

2. Reading in Haggai 1... "Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house. Therefore the heavens above you withhold the dew and the earth withholds its fruit." (Haggai 1:9-10) -- MESSED UP priorities. When the people came and began to repair and built the Lord's house God spoke, "From this day I will bless you." (Haggai 2:19.) Seek first His Kingdom.

3. "Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." (Psalm 34:10)

4. In Deuteronomy 8, the Lord led his people into the wilderness. To humble them and to test them, to discover what was in their hearts--to see if they would still follow Him. I felt like I was in that place last week. We are not called to live by bread alone but "by every word that proceeds out of the Lord's mouth." Sweet. I love that.

As well as a lot of the Bible, I also read some sweet books:
Understanding God's Will by Kyle Lake.
Perfect book for me in this time in my life. PERFECT. What a great book.

The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.
A little emergent-churchy, but you can't deny the simple truth of how we are called to LOVE. This book shook me up. I found myself so challenged by the last page.

In Kyle Lake's book, there was a great quote by Oswald Chambers.

"We have the idea that God is leading us towards a particular end of a desired goal, but He is not... What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the GOAL itself. His purpose is the process."

I find that comforting. All the questioning, the searching, the seeking--that's His plan. His plan isn't that we accomplish exactly "X" but that we learn A, B, and C on the way to Accomplishment X.

On Sunday, I eased back into my life and... talking to other human beings besides my parents in the hall. Hah! It was a weird experience though. Sunday was incredibly emotionally exhausting for me: church, lunch, coffee date with a friend, birthday party at night. To go from being alone for three days to that much talking? It makes me realize no wonder I arrived at a place of burn-out. I need to seek out alone time more often. By Monday night I was feeling back to my normal self and back to work and emails and friends and my Google calendar. That weekend honestly feels like months ago: even though it was just last week. Weird how life creeps back in on ya.

But. I'm changed. In such a good way.
I walked away from this weekend:
1. Refreshed by His presence.
2. With a greater desire to know Him.
3. Blessed by the assurance that as long as I desire to follow His will in all that I do, I don't need to worry about whether I turn left or right. He will be there with me.
4. Challenged to start taking one full day off (or at least a half day: 8AM - noon or something) a week to spend with Him. I'm blessed by a flexible schedule and I feel SO strongly the calling of the Lord upon me to just spend TIME with Him. I'm so selfish with my time. Jesus gave up his life for a bunch of people who didn't deserve it ONE BIT. I'm pretty sure I can give up my time to the creator of the entire world--who deserves it beyond all comprehension.

Woo, boy. Thanks for reading. God is so good and I'm so excited to walk with Him today and tomorrow and the rest of my teenage years and into my 20s and all the days of my life.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Generous Givers

I love how God works. Today was a crazy day for me. Just busy. Started with a long run in the morning (my training is getting really hard and intense and somedays I just feel like complaining about it) and then rushing around to coffee dates and lunch dates and errands and driving all across the world and ending back home at dinnertime to voicemails and emails and the whole world wanting my attention. I get into these crazy modes of work, work, work. It's so hard to escape.

As I mentioned before, my church is in 31 days of prayer. I didn't go today. Because, quite honestly, I couldn't concentrate with all this stuff I needed to do. My parents went ahead and I made a plan to pray with them for the last half hour at home from 7 - 7:30PM. I'm working away and the internet connection starts giving me a ton of trouble around 6:55PM. It does this a lot. But it just WOULDN'T come back. And I thought oh, yeah. It's 6:58PM. I said I was going to pray but if this stinking internet would start working I'd just keep working on my to-do list. I tried for another few minutes and then shut it off and went downstairs with my Bible. I was laughing on the walk down: that is SO like God. It'll take a failed internet connection to get me to listen sometimes.

I'm so blessed by His Word lately. This morning I read (amongst other things) Psalm 37 - 40. Tonight, I went through and read all of those aloud. I found myself drawn to completely different verses and found some amazing promises. Especially in light of the recent Haiti disaster. I watched some footage this afternoon and reading these verses now brings a lot more meaning. I pray you've been considering donating to the cause if you haven't already. God gives us so much. Give back. He will bless you so abundantly. He's proven this in my life multiple times… ridiculous giver, our God!

"But as for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord is thinking about me right now." Psalm 40:17a

"The godly are generous givers." Psalm 37:21b

Saturday, January 9, 2010

On Prayer.

"Why are you sleeping?" he asked. "Get up and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you." Luke 22:46.

Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3.

My church is in a season of prayer right now. 31 days of it to be exact. 3 prayer meetings a day, for 31 days. I'm doing my best to make it out to every one that I can. Setting aside the time to seek Him and His will for my life. It's awesome to do that at a beginning of the new year. A fresh start. I'm thankful for a God whose mercies are new each morning.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Cling To Him.

Reading through Deuteronomy as of late in the mornings. Just loving it. I'm so thankful for a God who wrote words for me to read, thousands of years ago, TODAY. Woah. I read Deut 27 - 30 this morning, and... you should probably pick up your Bible and do the same.

"Choose life... that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him for He is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers." - Deut 30:29

I want to make that personal.

"I WILL choose life... that I may love the Lord my God, that I may obey His voice, and that I may cling to Him for He is MY life and the length of MY days, and that I may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to MY fathers."

CLING.
to him.

Cling: to be in close contact with, stick or hold together, to resist separation.

I Resist the fact that I'm too busy to read my bible. I Resist the fact that my mind wanders a lot when I pray. I Resist the fact that often I sooo badly want my will for my life and not His. Instead, I Cling to His refreshing presence. I Cling to His available Word. I Cling to His incredible promises. I Cling to His life.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

So Of Course He Loves Old Ordinary Me.

I started this blog really wanted to write it in regularly. Every now and then I get inspired in my morning journallings with Jesus. I often think I should jot a few notes down online--but I write verses or thoughts out in my journal and don't think to blog after that. Silly me. A lot's been going on in my mind the past few weeks... About life and priorities and what really matters when you strip it all away. Jesus. He's what matters.

If my main priority in life isn't to glorify His name and live to get to know Him better each and every day that I live, I'm a little screwed up. Just gotta be blunt. And some days: I'm screwed up. He's not the first thing on my mind. Sometimes He's the last thing on my mind. Business usually takes #1 in my mind. Me goes #2. Family becomes #3 and friends are thrown in there somewhere. That's my natural order of priorities: and it's RIDICULOUS. What a ridiculous human being I am. Absurd.

I'm learning more and more each day about the love of Jesus. Sometimes I'll be listening to a song and just start crying. And I'll cry as I realize how much He loves us. How much He's blessed us. How excited I am for Heaven. It's so overwhelming. I recently finished reading "Traveling Mercies" by Anne Lamott (she's got some wonky theology but she's a beautiful writer and has some great imagery) & here is one of my favourite quotes:

"The mystery of God's love as I understand it is that God loves the man who was being mean to his dog just as much as he loves babies; God love Susan Smith, who drowned her two sons, as much as he loves Desmond Tutu. And he loved her just as much while she was releasing the handbrake of her car that sent her boys into the river as he did when she first nursed them. So of course He loves old ordinary me, even or especially at my most scared and petty and mean and obsessive. Loves me; CHOOSES me."

What a great God we worship.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Thessalonians' Faith

Reading a passage in the Word today out of 1 Thessalonians 1, verses 2 and 3.

"We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."

Work: produced by faith.
Labor: prompted by love.
Endurance: inspired by hope in Jesus.

I love that. Even though Saturday mornings are hectic when I'm shooting a wedding, I try to make it a priority to read my bible and pray even if it's for five minutes, and not the usual 20-30. Last wedding day, I was staring an 11 hour day in the face and praying for strength and protection throughout each hour! I came across this verse and it inspired me to face the day giving 100% of what I had to give!

Romans 12:11: Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically.

I've also been making a determined effort to work out more regularly as of late. Worship music (Hillsong, Christian City Church, JesusCulture) has always been my favourite genre to run to. Especially when it gets to the chorus or the bridge and God's love is being proclaimed with such energy it makes me want to run SO much faster! If God is the God of the impossible, the God who does great things, the God who does only wondrous things, pretty sure he can give me the strength to finish this 3 mile run. I love it and He is my strength during a lot of my workouts! Makes me smile.